About an hour or two ago I had about 300 words written out that essentially amounted to nothing.
It was a bunch of me saying a whole lot of nothing and I just didn’t see where that did anything. At the least, I suppose, I was able to dump some thoughts. The difference is none of those thoughts seemed to offer anything.
Sure, this could be a place where I just blab about whatever or I could actually say something that someone can take with them. That would be so much better in my opinion.
but anyway here’s three things constantly on my mind lately:
1) It would probably be pretty cool to fall in love again soon. Yeah, I know, it’s easier said than done, but maybe I’ll actually try to be open to that moving forward.
2) School is constantly on my nerves. I think its more so that its essentially just in the way of other plans I have and yet society (and myself/family) would really appreciate it if I got that degree, at some point.
3) Money is absolutely the most annoying piece of whatever in existence. That is all.
Let’s tackle number one because honestly who wants to talk about school or money? Not I.
If you’ve traveled back in time to when I used to keep this thing current you’d know there’s been some less than desirable results concerning my love life in the past. And I’m here to address the current state of affairs.
I’ve been Fort Knox (which is a terribly inaccurate metaphor because they’re not defending anything valuable over there these days, but I digress) when it comes to opening up to others who could potentially develop feelings for me. And for the most part I’ve been cool with that. It’s basically been on purpose.
And that’s not fair.
When it comes to love it just happens, y’know, it just hits you and most often like a Mack truck.
I’ve always loved that reference because that thing isn’t going to be incredibly forgiving in that instance. Mack truck wins versus human every time.
It’s crazy to think I’ve had shots at finding love these last two years. And how unfair I have been with that is unreal. I understand fear, I get that. When you’ve been to the fullest extent possible with someone its hard to allow yourself back into that. And the fear isn’t necessarily that I’ll achieve it all again and then failboat major like I did before, but I think the quote from Spike Jonze’s 2013 film “Her” says it best:
“Sometimes I think I have felt everything I’m ever gonna feel. And from here on out, I’m not gonna feel anything new. Just lesser versions of what I’ve already felt.”
That’s easily one of the realest quotes I’ve ever read. Like whoa. You can feel it.
And that’s where most of the fear comes from because how fair is it to someone else if I take a shot at disproving that quote and then have it actually be true and now I’m in this relationship with someone I’ve invested in and vice versa. That would scare you too, right?
So that’s where I’ve been with that. And yet, here I am wanting to give it a go.